Transformation Tuesday

{Transformation Tuesday}  Are you saying “whoa that’s sad that she felt like that about herself just because of her weight” looking at the before photo and seeing those horrendous words written on there? Making this photo was no easier than it is looking at and reading those words on it I assure you. Truth be told, I was a leader, a fighter,

transformationpurposeful and happy most of the time in that before photo too, BUT I didn’t focus on those things because I was too lost to see those things clearly and really appreciate them.  I was NOT healthy. I did NOT feel like I had a purpose; yes that’s hard to say but it was true. I felt like I failed myself. I was certainly NOT confident and the only transformation I had had was transforming back into my unhealthy self I had been 7 years before.  Harsh? Yes, but I can say with utmost certainty that I am not alone.

Pig, slob, disgusting, whale…these were words that at some point in life someone else called me some behind my back, some to my face, but they were ALSO words that I called myself each and every time I looked in the mirror. This before photo was taken after I completed nursing my son. I had lost a little of my baby weight, so this wasn’t even my heaviest. My heaviest was 204 pounds and I’ve been there twice in my life. Once in high school into college and then here.

It’s an uncomfortable place to be both mentally and physically. Nobody ever said “do you feel okay” when I was at that weight. I didn’t. I felt scared, especially in this photo because now I had a little boy to take care of and MS to get control of and I certainly wasn’t doing anything to help myself. I was lost. I had been here before and I simply couldn’t believe I let myself get here again. I was ashamed. I was obese. I had done it to myself. I was sick. MS is always with me and I was only getting sicker and sicker as the days went on.

Unfortunately it took a diagnosis to give me my big wakeup call and then heavy symptoms to kick me in the rear again. I’m not sure why we as people, not all but many of us (myself included that’s why I said us) wait until our backs are against the wall to make a change.  I wish I knew then what I know now has become one of my mottos.

Since 2012 I’ve lost 65 lbs; yes it had been 75 pounds and yes I have gained 10 since. While I do strive to take those off, it is no longer primarily about how I look. It is no longer primarily about how I look in a bathing suit. I could have waited and showed you my next bathing suit shot after I finish another program, but for now I show this to speak to the women (and the men) out there who are struggling day in and day out with self image and  your health. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS OF YOUR PANT SIZE! I could have put on a red jacket, gotten my hair done and put some make up on in this before photo and could have smiled the same way. THE DIFFERENCE is it would have been a fake smile not to mention my heart, mind and my internal health were all out of whack!

Now, it’s about my HEALTH and how I FEEL! I am more confident now than I ever was before. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m getting there. I am more determined to slug the SNOT out of MS. People look at me and they think nothing is wrong, but I fight this son of a gun disease every darn day along with countless others! I am a fighter in the best sense of the word. I am full, as in OVERFLOWING with passion and purpose, something I did NOT have before Beachbody came into my life and I got out of my own way to embrace the opportunity. I still have MS, but I am MUCH healthier now than when diagnosed. I have been transformed mind body & soul; re-baptized as an adult, stronger in mind because of personal development and prayer…am I made of iron and never broken down? No, I am human, but I’m stronger now than I ever was before. It’s more than just the size of my jeans; it’s about my mind, body, soul and internal health transformation! Are you ready to start or continue yours? I’d love to help! xo

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *